Dear Boys, My Sanity is Waning

Dear Boys,

Can we pleeaase, I beg of you, go five consecutive minutes without any fighting or screaming or whining?  Five minutes without water dumped on the floor, crayon on the walls, or random items clogging the toilet?  Can I please brush my hair or put on some make-up without someone (ahem, Levi) pooping in the corner of the closet?  Can I cook dinner without someone hanging on the curtains till the screws holding the rod come loose?  Can I just sit in peace for a few minutes without being needed... please?!

Tonight I heard a sharp scream followed by crying.  I scrambled to the bathroom to investigate.  I saw the light socket cover sitting on the ground next to the night light as Jed hurriedly explained how Levi fell off the back of the toilet.

"What hurts, Levi?" I asked.
"My finger," he sobbed in reply.

I laughed out loud and scooped him into a hug.  "You totally deserved that," I said through a smile.  "You got electrocuted when you played with the socket in the wall."

Boys, tell me, what am I doing wrong as a mother?  These last few weeks have been rough!  You are wringing out every last ounce of patience and sanity I have left in my body and soul.  I literally cannot get anything done unless you are watching tv or sleeping.  You know what good behavior is--you know what I expect of you--so why are you doing exactly opposite?

But maybe that's just it.  Perhaps you're just trying to be helpful?

Maybe it's not too much of a long shot to assume that you're trying to anticipate what I'd like you to do but simply do everything wrong instead.  You two are such good boys by nature.  I think I see it now.

Jed, you wanted to decorate your room for Christmas, so you swiped your favorite ornament from the tree and colored your wall green.  You wanted to brush your teeth all by yourself but wound up with a sink full of toothpaste instead.  And Levi, you wanted to help me clean the bathroom but dumped half the can of powdered comet out on the floor while my back was turned.

All this helpfulness (aka messes!) that I just don't appreciate.

I'm sorry, boys.  I'm sorry I haven't seen it from your point of view... till now.  I need to be kinder.  I need to slow down; breath before I react.  Someday you will have the skills to be truly helpful, but until then I should just appreciate the perfect innocent balls of energy that you are now because this phase certainly has its perks too--like sloppy kisses, feeling tiny hands in mine, silly jokes and songs, lullabyes and snuggles on the couch.

This phase sure is hard, but it's a good one too.  I'll try to remember that next time the toilet overflows.  Just remember that I love you, no matter what.

Love Always,


  1. I love this! I'm sure you are an amazing mom.

  2. Sounds so much like my house. Bennett had one of his worst meltdowns ever on Sunday while my brother and new sis in law were over and I am pretty sure they never want to have kids now. But then this morning, we were getting ready for school and I hear B tell C "I love it when you play with me." and I forgot about all the struggles. hang in their Momma!

  3. You're a great mom, Jessie! Your boys are lucky to have you as their mommy. These young years go by way too fast. It does take a lot of energy to be a good enough mom. But there is nothing more worthwhile you could be doing! Give your boys a hug from me--I would love to come babysit and give you a break.

  4. Have you been peeking in on us? That sounds like what's been going on here. Trenton and Charlotte did great while we were away for Thanksgiving, but as soon as we got home (and Trenton started feeling better), they were back to fighting. But then they have those same sweet moments too.


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