6.28.2011

Better Mother

That little face is trouble!
Jed really likes these bright balls, so we went to the tennis court one afternoon.

Have you ever spent the entire day with your child but felt like you were never really there? Today I went through the motions of caring for Jed: I fed him, changed him, read him some books, and went for a walk. As evening approached, I realized I had never really connected with my son all day long. Even when we played together, my mind wandered. I kept thinking of the list of things that needed to be done, something I read, thought about a friend, or what’s going on this weekend. I had a hard time clearing my mind and concentrating solely on my little boy.

So tonight, after I washed the suds from his hair in the bathtub, I made it a point to really play with Jed; to interact, to make him laugh and see his eyes light up, to balance that silly plastic cow on the faucet before making it splash into the water over and over again because I want my son to know—that for at least ten minutes today—there was nothing more important in my world than him.

More than anything, I want to be a good mother. No, I want to be a great mother. I want to create moments, that though they may be forgotten in the stream of everyday life, the feelings of love still linger. My family is my world and I want them to know that. It’s dumb to let the clutter of everyday living interfere. So from now on, my goal is to drop what I think may be more important at the moment, clear my head, and connect with my child at least once a day. I hope it becomes a habit, a part of who I am. My family is my priority, not the dishes or my pictures or this blog. Bron and Jed are the center of my world and I ought to treat them as such. Perhaps Jed will become a better man if he has a mother who lights up when he enters the room and a mother who truly listens to him and knows him.

But really, it doesn’t matter how Jed “turns out”; I will love him regardless. I just think the joy and satisfaction I feel from truly being with the people I love will be more than worth any effort.

Tonight, Jed hugged me. He laid his head on my shoulder and let me just hold him. I patted his back. He patted mine. Those are the moments I want to wrap up and save forever.

5 comments:

  1. There are so many days that I do that.. just going through the motions trying to get everything done. Sometimes its hard to just stop and take the little time needed to make the kids feel special. I know what my goal is for tomorrow.. thanks for writing this!

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  2. So nicely said. I find myself just going through the motions all the time.
    On another note, Jed officially does not look like a baby anymore! He's quite the handsome little boy now! I love his "moooo" face!

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  3. I totally relate with you. I catch myself doing the same thing. Jed is looking blonde in those pictures! I don't know if it's just the lighting, but his hair sure does look lighter!

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  4. this is me all over. amen!

    and holy cow, when did he suddenly turn into a child instead of a baby? it just seems like he grew up over night?

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  5. Well said. I feel this way a lot, and my baby is only 3 1/2 months old. I'm not used to being home all day so now that I am I feel like I need to take advantage of the time and get projects or chores done, when I should be taking advantage of the chance I have to be home and raise my son. Thanks for the reminder! I want to work on connecting with my baby for a few minutes on purpose every day too. :)

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