motherhood

Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

2 on May 22

5.24.2022

We celebrated Ezra's 2nd birthday on Sunday!!! I am so grateful to have this 4th little boy and I am so thankful that he still has wrist rolls and chubby little knuckle dimples. He makes me feel like he's still holding onto his babyhood, at least a little bit. He's just happy to be alive and along for the ride! Little people are the best.

His birthday was bittersweet for me. Ezra is growing up, one day at a time. I don't want any more babies, but I would sure give anything to snuggle each of my children when they were newborns just one more time -- feel their weight on my chest, smell the tops of their fresh heads, listen to them suck as they nurse, and watch their yawns and stretches. Oh, that was heaven on earth! But so is this current reality, just in a much more chaotic and messy way.

Ezra is a boy of few words. His vocabulary mostly consists of "go" "shoes" "more" and "mom". But what he lacks in words, he more than makes up for in personality. Of all my children, Ezra is probably the most ornery and stubborn. He makes messes faster than I can clean them. But he's also such a tease! Ezra loves to laugh and get a rise out of anyone. His favorite game is to pinch my naked behind when I get out of the shower! The boy loves his groceries, especially milk and strawberries. He will never turn down a meal, thus his deserved nickname: Chungus. I enjoy watching his little diaper butt run -- I mean waddle -- in excitement towards the bathtub or his daddy. The song Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes is Ezra's jam. Every time it comes on his tonie box he goes bananas and starts dancing.

Ezra is the reason I feel a bit more tired at the end of the day, but he's also a ray of sunshine who brings so many snippets of joy. Happy 2nd Birthday, Ezra!!! You are so loved.

5.03.2022

Who knew back in 2009 when I started this 'ol blog that it would become a family journal of sorts that I would still be using today thirteen years later? This blog means so much to me. I have many of the years printed into hard covered books. The other day, Jed and Levi were lamenting that I don't love them as much as I love their little brothers. I busted out the books and proved to them that they were each my whole world at the same ages as Conrad and Ezra are now. They lit up with big grins, reading through what I wrote about them and seeing their pictures. That is why I blog. Or at least one reason. My memory gets hazy. This blog brings me so much joy to see pictures and read passages that bring back precious memories I otherwise would have forgotten. And so I am determined to keep blogging, keep journaling, keep putting my thoughts and experiences to virtual paper. It helps me process my feelings and is a safe place to store those things that are most precious to me.

Anyway, enough sentimental blabbering. Welcome to the 10th annual day in the life post! I chose Thursday April 21st this year instead of waiting til May. A cold and rainy day just felt more authentic to document. This winter has felt long and never ending. Spring just keeps teases us only to disappear! I wanted to remind myself of the beauty and the fun that really does exist right under my nose.

4.14.2022

It's no secret that I've been struggling over the last few months. This freight train I'm on just seems to keep getting heavier and faster. And by the freight train, I mean life.

One thing at a time, more keeps getting added to my basket of responsibilities. This metaphorical basket is overflowing with so many good and wonderful things, but the weight of it has me leaning precariously to one side. I can't seem to find my balance and keep it.

Honestly, I'm just a mother drowning under all of life's demands. I can't keep up with anything the way I'd like to -- my boys, my home, my health, my young women's calling, my hobbies, the list goes on -- and it's so easy to feel guilt or remorse over it. To look back over a day and see all the things left undone or that came unraveled (including myself) is frankly depressing. I have never in my life been so busy and needed!

I seem to be in this continual cycle of try and fail. It can applied to any aspect of my life: exercise, patience, study and prayer. I cannot seem to be consistent in any one thing. And so I fail. I brush myself off. Try again. Fail again. One step forward. One step back. Maaaaybe I'm making progress a half step at a time? It's foggy from my point of view; I cannot tell if I'm making progress or not at all. I just hope I'm doing enough to meet the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of these four young boys!

But then I've been mulling over a particular thought all week. The thought is that Heavenly Father makes up for what we lack. When we are doing our best and following the covenant path as best we can, it allows for Heavenly Father to bless us. He makes up for the rest. His love and miraculous master plan fills in those missing pieces.

Well, Heavenly Father, this is my very best! Please fill in those cracks, crevices, and whole canyons of my life that I cannot fill on my own. Please help me raise these boys into whole young men!

The words of this wise and sweet mama resonated with me a few days ago and still does. So on the extra hard days when my boys are driving me wild, I'm going to pull this up and read it to remind me that this state of chaos I currently live in is okay. Life is meant to be busy and messy. But there's beauty in it too because family is where we learn to live and love as our Savior would.

"Pictures are a gift. They’re silent. They don’t move. They don’t hit their siblings. It’s delightful.

I can see a picture and stop for a moment and sit in awe of the blessing of this life of mine—without the arguing or pooping or spilling cereal across the floor or kicking holes in the wall or getting calls from the principal or stealing candy or eye rolling or “but momming” or streaking or coloring on the walls or crying or…

But all of that isn’t the unfortunate byproduct of family. It is family.

The teaching and the forgiving and the healing—and the redemption in it all—is a privilege to be a part of. It’s a gift that I get to spend up my life teaching little minds, nurturing little souls, molding little hearts.

And all of the mess leads me to the same conclusion as the perfect picture: I am in awe of the blessing of this life of mine." -- Jamie Finn

2.10.2022

I deceived myself going into the school year. With two boys in school full time, I thought I would be able to get some things done with just half my children at home during the day. How wrong I was! Two is still a handful. I'm currently in that phase of life where taking a shower is risky business. I can never be sure what messes and mischief await me when I step out! So at 12:45PM every afternoon when Conrad is at preschool and Ezra is down for a nap, I suddenly find myself hands free in a quiet house for 90 blissful minutes. I have a decision to make: Do I use that time to conquer a chore or do something for myself?

And therein lies my problem.

Fortunately, I am seasoned enough to know that this is just a phase; it will pass too quickly. So I grab my camera to document the mischief. I relish how their little hands feel in mine. I try to really listen to Conrad's high pitched voiced as he spews questions and ideas all day long that make me laugh. And I savor every time Ezra falls asleep in my arms... because someday I'll have enough time for both the chores and myself.

Right now, my time belongs to them.

This is Artifact Motherhood -- a project shared with other female artists who are documenting our journeys as mothers and creating memories for our children through our photographs and words.

Please visit the next wonderful artist CARLA MONGE to read her post in our blog circle.

*****

12.31.2021

This happy rollercoaster of a life just seems to be gaining speed. Our year 2021 was busting at the seams with things to do and places to see. We made our new house into a home, put in a yard, added some animals, squeezed in some adventures, and tried our best to keep up with four wild and independent boys.

I admit, adding a fourth child has been hard. There's so much joy in having a baby and I wouldn't for a second wish Ezra away, but meeting one more child's daily needs has stretched my time and overwhelmed my mental load. I think I honestly forgot how demanding it is to keep a tiny toddler alive and happy! So I've been doing my best to write everything out in my planner (I became my own mother after all! Lol.), say 'no' whenever possible, and to remind myself that nothing is usually wrong in any given moment. It's just me, stressing out. If I had one wish it would be more time. Time to dedicate to myself for exercise and creative outlets. Time to listen intently to each of my boys and to play with them. We just seem to be jumping from one thing to the next! School, dinner, sports, bedtime... and before I know it another day has passed us by.

I'm doing my best to just appreciate this phase of life. I know it will last too long and simultaneously not long enough. I have everything I ever dreamed of for myself and more! So I make a conscious effort to notice the good things the boys are doing -- they really are amazing -- and to cherish that hug, that laugh, that "I love you too, Mom". And then I pray to my Heavenly Father to make up for all that I lack.

As for Covid and the current state of the world, well, I'm expecting to prove my 23rd booster shot for a $55 dollar Hot and Ready Little Ceasar's pizza by the year 2026.

These are the highlights of 2021:

January: We sold our home of nine years and moved into our white farmhouse on five acres. A dream come true! Pinch me. I still cannot believe I get to wake up every morning here.

February: We spent the month unpacking and organizing. I fed a chubby baby 7-8 times a day. I just remember spending hours either spoon feeding or breastfeeding Ezra! Jed and Levi also started practice on swim team twice a week.

March: Bron and I got scuba certified! We took the whole family to hike and bike in Moab, UT for spring break.

April: We celebrated Easter and Jed's 11th birthday!

May: My baby boy turned one year old! Bron and I celebrated 14 years of marriage. Jed and Levi brought home their 4H dairy heifers, Domino and Pepper Jack. My dad, Liz, and Mia visited for a fun filled weekend. We did a lot of dirt work on our property and planted two dozen trees and even more plants!

June: Ezra started walking! Conrad began the summer with swimming lessons. Jed and Levi boarded their very first airplane alone to spend a weekend in California playing with Commander and family.

July: We enjoyed an epic family hike along the Fishhook Creek Trail. We also attended our first official Nelson family reunion. Jed had a fun three days at a golf camp. And we played hard when my sister Lauren and her three kids came to visit for a week! Then we gathered in Boise with more family to go through the temple with my little brother Michael and send him off on his LDS mission.

August: Conrad became a fish and took more swimming lessons. Bron enjoyed a week of high adventure with the young men. We planted GRASS in the yard! Football and mountain biking practices began dominating our evenings. Levi turned 9 and started the 4th grade. Jed started 6th grade at the MIDDLE SCHOOL and picked up the trumpet in the band. At first, he sounded like he was blowing his nose when he practiced but fortunately now he can carry a tune!

September: We spent a week as a family at the Twin Falls County Fair. Jed and Levi washed and showed their cows daily; they even won a few ribbons. Conrad started preschool five days a week and can now write his name and sing lots of silly songs. Our church stake split and we were organized into the brand new Rock Creek Ward. Then I was promptly called to be the young women's president!

October: We went on an overnight family adventure to Redfish Lake where we stayed in a cozy cabin, went for a boat ride, and did a lot of hiking. I flew to Arizona to conquer the 24 mile rim to rim hike of the Grand Canyon with my sister Lauren and two cousins, Rachel and Necia. It was a blast! The boys went trick-or-treating on Halloween.

November: Conrad turned five years old! We celebrated Thanksgiving at the Nelson dairy and tried not to drown in new church callings and responsibilities.

December: Bron and I escaped on a week long vacation to Cozumel, MX (aka Paradise!) where we went scuba diving and soaked up the warm sunshine. Then we enjoyed a magical and chaotic Christmas with our four boys. Finally, we ended the year with some freezing temps and a snow storm!

It's a crazy beautiful life!

5.13.2021

At this time last year I was about 38 weeks pregnant. I felt huge and uncomfortable but was eagerly anticipating the arrival of our last little boy. I wish I could go back in time. There's nothing in the world quite like the exciting anticipation of birth. Few other times in my life have made me feel as if I was fulfilling my soul's divine destiny more than caring for a newborn.

I have cherished Ezra's babyhood as much as humanly possible. I feel so grateful that he joined our family and I was able to enjoy a fourth baby. But babies change so fast! And though I can hug Ezra right in this very moment, each picture I see is a reminder of the child who no longer exists.

Needless to say, I am feeling a whole range of emotions as his first birthday approaches. I'm grateful, yet sad.

Ezra's babyhood is slipping right through my fingers! However, I know there are a million and two reasons to smile because there is so much more ahead to look forward to. Ezra's first birthday is simply a very bittersweet milestone for me as my last baby.

So happy birthday Baby Boy! I love you more than words can say. You've brought so much joy into my life - our family's life - this year and I cannot wait to experience the happiness you'll undoubtedly bless us with in the future.

5.11.2021

These are my 9th annual (can you believe it?) day-in-the-life photos! I've been taking photos of one ordinary day in May every year since 2013. I still cherish those very first photos when Jed was just 3 years old and refer to those past blog posts often because so much changes in just one year!

So welcome to Wednesday May 5, 2021 -- our 14th anniversary! I chose our anniversary because, why not? I love my Honey Buns. But I also chose it because I've been taking the big boys to swim team every Monday and Wednesday since the beginning of February. It's become a part of our routine.

*****

Jed and Levi's alarm goes off at 6:50AM. They are the world's best kids at getting themselves up and ready for the school day. It makes me feel like the world's laziest mom, but hey, I give myself some credit for teaching them this kind of discipline. Lol. Levi comes out to the kitchen wrapped in a blanket to grab some breakfast while Jed hops in the shower. Then they switch.

I roll myself out of bed a few minutes after 7:00AM to come say good morning, make sure they've got their backpacks together, and most importantly, kiss them goodbye. The bus picks them up promptly at 7:30AM.

I've been trying to get myself into a morning exercise routine. Some days I don't fit it in til nap time, but on this particular morning, I'm able to fit in 20 minutes of kettlebells. Kettlebells have been helping to strengthen my back and core. I feel so much better after swinging some weight around, it's crazy!

It's also our anniversary, so I place a little card I've signed on the kitchen countertop next to some sushi I bought the day before; sushi is one of Bron's favorite food.

Then I help Conrad pour some cereal... from a box that he ripped open like an animal.

I can hear the baby has been fussing through the monitor for several minutes so I go to his room to greet him.

4.02.2021

At 10 months old, Ezra weighs a whopping 25+ pounds. He's easily my baldest and fattest baby. And my first to consistently sleep through the night at this age. Baby Boy has graduated to crawling across the house on all fours and has proudly begun pulling himself to a stand as he tries to climb the furniture. He's as busy as his big brothers whom he adores! In fact, he's already part of the crew with his nonstop jabbering, growling, and wrestling. Ezra doesn't miss a meal, obviously. He can sign "more", still nurses four times a day and eats just as many meals in his high chair. Between food prep and clean up, I feel like I live in the kitchen.

But Ezra is such a joy! He is just happy to be alive. I keep squeezing his chubby legs and kissing those round cheeks, just to make sure he's real. I feel so lucky to be his mama.

3.02.2021

Ezra,

Nine whole months with you, Baby Boy! I cannot believe how fast your first year is flying by. I've been desperately trying to cherish every precious moment of your babyhood -- from the way your heavy little body feels in my arms as you nurse to sleep at night to the way you smile and flap your arms with happiness when you first see me in the morning. You have brought so much peace and happiness into my life. You, Ezra, were the one I was waiting on. I intuitively knew one more little spirit was meant to join our family and it was YOU.

2.15.2021

Goodness, these photos were taken on a Saturday afternoon following a really rough week. Parenting is HARD. It is constant round the clock work. I feel overwhelmed with people to help and listen to and things to do. This entire year has felt chaotic and defeating. Was it worth it to build a new home and add a brother to the family? Absolutely. But I feel like I try only to fail. I pick myself up again just to get knocked down, over and over and over. I make plans only to have them derailed. I'm talking about simple things from getting enough sleep to eating better to exercising to getting that one thing ticked off the to do list. And what about my efforts to teach the boys how to properly clean their own bathroom or turn off the light or behave like thoughtful human beings? Over and over again I teach. I hand out consequences. Sometimes I yell. Nothing seems to work; I am not seeing any changes or progress. I am swimming against the current. Stagnant. Frustrated. Miserable.

And then there's this one successful afternoon when everything felt okay! Getting out with my crew of boys always leaves me feeling happier and lighter. This afternoon of snowshoeing was just what we needed as a family. The snow was fresh and beautiful! The air brisk and cold. We laughed and played and explored a new trail. Conrad is such a stud. It was his first time wearing snowshoes and he rocked it! Kid is capable of anything. And it was Ezra's first time riding in the hiking backpack. He seemed to enjoy his perch and the views.

I love them.

7.24.2020

Someone pinch me. Sometimes I look at this sweet little squish and cannot believe he is here and he is real. I have a baby again! It is the sweetest feeling. Why must the first 365 days go so fast? I want to soak in every moment and every phase. At a whopping 14 pounds, Ezra is already no longer a newborn anymore and he is totally becoming one of the crew. His chunky little rolls make me so proud and happy.

7.09.2020

Living on cinnamon bears + dry shampoo + baby snuggles.

6.22.2020

Time is such a bittersweet thing these days. Ezra is one month old. The last four weeks have been a sleepless but beautiful blur of nursing, diaper changes, and snuggles. By far my favorite part of having a newborn are the cuddles! It's hard for me to leave the nursery chair because I just want to soak in every moment: every curve of his little face, the sound of his breathing, how his little chin quivers when he cries, and the way his toes stretch as he eats.

I must be a hormonal mess still because there have been times that I've just held Ezra and cried. I've cried out of gratitude. I've cried because it feels like time is slipping by too fast. I've cried because the rest of my family needs me... as does the fact that we're gearing up to sell our home while building a new one. So much to do, so many things to clean and little people's problems to solve, when all I really want is sweet quiet time with my baby.

Newborn days are such sacred days. Few other times in my life have made me feel as if I was fulfilling my divine destiny more than caring for a newborn. I feel as if I was made for motherhood; made to be Ezra's (and Conrad's and Levi's and Jed's) mother. They are mine and I am theirs -- forever. We belong to one another and I have been given a stewardship to raise them into fine young men. It is both a humbling thought and feeling.

By the way, fourth babies are where all the joy and only 10% of the worry is at! I was dressing Ezra in one of Jed's first outfits when a flood of memories came sweeping in. I remember being so eager to see Jed reach the next milestone: rolling over, sitting up, sleeping through the night, etc. I worried if I was doing everything right. If I didn't sing him a lullaby, would he be tone deaf? So many silly things! With Ezra, I know I am enough. In fact, he is my child who has hands down been cared for with the most experience and patience. I don't worry if he'll ever sleep through the night. I know he will sleep eventually. Until then, I have a few tried and true habits to help get me through. Cradle cap and dry skin? No worries! Just smear vaseline on it. His skin looks beautiful, by the way.

It is truly hard to think Ezra is my last baby. This is it. I get to witness one last round of firsts. Bron, c'mon, we can totally handle a 5th child, right?! But I honestly wonder whether or not a 5th would be a good idea too.

The big boys are bored. A new baby is quite the adjustment! I'm a bit slow these days, recovering from delivery and caring for a baby: feed, diaper change, feed again. But fortunately, the boys don't seem to resent the baby. It's quite the opposite. They love Ezra! Jed is always enthusiastic about holding him and Conrad perpetually wants to pat his head. The first month is always crazy with the older siblings. They have each been acting out in their own ways. Jed has earned the nickname Eeyore on occasion and Levi is like a bull in a china shop! (We just laughed when we realized Conrad is the personification of Tigger.) It's frustrating, but I know the dust will settle soon.

Oh! And I should mention, at least in passing, about all the craziness our country faced this last month, from Covid to a huge Black Lives Matter movement that included mass riots. I don't have the time or energy to comment on it; it's pretty emotionally draining. But it's a part of Ezra's first days on earth and I want to remember it happened.

Ezra seems to be the perfect addition to our family at the moment. He is so chill. He only fusses when he's hungry or wants to be held. It means my Solly Wrap has become a daily accessory, but I thoroughly enjoy the cuddles and sleepy sighs as he sleeps on my chest while I go about making dinner and other daily tasks. And thankfully he's not too stubborn about being put down to sleep. He may awake when his head hits the mattress, but he usually grunts himself back into slumber. Oh, what a content and sweet child! Ezra is truly a joyful addition. Heavenly Father knew exactly what we needed and when we needed it.

I love you, Ezra, so so much!!! And I am so thankful God sent you to me.

5.19.2020

Wrapping up this pregnancy journey with one last belly picture. It feels bittersweet.

Because I make much bigger than average babies, the plan is to be induced this Friday at exactly 39 weeks. That's less than three days away!!! That is, if my body says it's ready.

I am so relieved to have an end date; something to count down to. These last couple of weeks have been a bit of a doozy physically. I have felt very tired and even nauseous. Poor kids. As if it was possible, life around here has gotten even more slow and boring! My ankles have become so swollen that I don't even recognize my own limbs! The only shoes I can wear are my flip flops. (Um, yes, that is why I cropped out my face in these pictures. You guys, I am a balloon.) And false labor contractions have kept me on my toes, wondering if they'll turn into the real thing. But nope; he's cozy in there.

Last Wednesday, I thought my water might have started leaking. My underwear was uncommonly wet and I was having mild painful contractions every 20 minutes or so. "Body," I thought, "what is going on?" I decided to err on the safe side and went in to the hospital to see my provider. Wow, things changed in a week! All of a sudden, new policies were in place that required everyone to wear a mask and more restrictive measures/signs were posted throughout the hospital. It felt a bit apocalyptic. Fortunately, the people behind those masks offered the same friendly service as always. Apparently, I had a common vaginal infection that just needed some cheap antibiotics to clear up. Eeew.

Anyway, exciting and miserable physical effects aside, I am so very grateful I got to experience the miracle of creating life within me one fourth and final time. What a privilege! I cannot believe this special time of my life -- the part where I'm pregnant and we grow our family -- is almost over. I will miss this belly. I will miss feeling the flutters and rolls and pressing my fingers against a tiny foot that moves in response. I keep trying to imagine what he will look like, but I know breathing him in for the first time will exceed all my expectations. There is nothing on earth quite like the exciting anticipation of new life and all of the joys and possibilities it brings along with it.

5.08.2020

Welcome to the 8th annual Day in the Life Post -- also known as the annual post that almost didn't happen. Between this quarantine and being nine months pregnant, I feel pretty spent of creative energy. But I knew that if I dropped the ball this year, I'd regret it. So I busted out the camera on Monday May 4, 2020 and went for it. These aren't the prettiest or most creatively done batch of pictures. In fact, I used a new to me preset for fun and I'm not sure I'm in love with the look. But it is what it is and the goal was accomplished for yet another year.

So my dear readers, may I present A Day in the Life 2020, a special quarantine edition.

4.02.2020

As much as I appreciate positive sentiments such as "We've got this!" in texts from friends, I've actually appreciated those times friends have opened up about how HARD this transition to isolation and homeschooling has been more. It's a breath of fresh air to know that someone else's kid spent hours in front of a screen one day and that she too wants to pull her hair out figuring out all these new online programs and passwords that don't always work and wondering if she is covering all the assigned material with her son. It really is nice to know that I'm not the only one who does not have it all together all the time... because I actually feel guilty for feeling this way. I am very fortunate and have been blessed with so much! This temporary situation should be a walk in the park; no big deal. But IT IS! Living one day at a time, not being able to plan for the future is unsettling. (I mean, I'm birthing a baby into this mess!) But as my sister reminded me, she's done this before. This is familiar territory for her as she fought cancer just two short years ago. It will all be okay, even if our new normal isn't ever quite the same.

So folks, all I'm trying to say is that I love you for your positivity and wisdom, but I also love it when you're messy and human just like me.

3.09.2020

Helllooo 3rd trimester! It's the final countdown. Only 10 more weeks and some change to go (if I deliver at 39 weeks again) but who's really counting? Me, of course!

2.04.2020

This is Artifact Motherhood; a collaboration of artists from around the world who have come together to share our stories of the joys and struggles of our journey. Through our writings and visual records, we want to create memories that are more than photographs with dates written on the back. These are the artifacts we are leaving behind for our children and for generations to come. Please visit the next artist in our blog circle, Lauren Webster, and continue through all the artists until you get back to me!

^^Two of my favorite faces. The big boys let me take some headshots of them. I need to do this more often... because, you know, Mom goggles. Levi's wound is exactly a week old in these pictures. No more stitches and healing up well!^^

The other day, I sat and calculated what year each of my children will graduate from high school. This unborn baby will graduate in 2038. That feels like forever away! But then I calculated for Jed. He will graduate in 2028.

*Gulp*

That's just 8 years away! Those years are going to come and go in a blink. Jed is already more than halfway grown! What? How?? His early childhood has gone so fast!

Of course, these thoughts trigger other ones like, "Am I doing enough?" "Am I enjoying him enough?" And cue the mom guilt, am I right?!?

That's when I try to back it up and answer myself honestly. Yes, I am doing the very best that I can. Some days I feel like an utter failure, but I am learning and growing right alongside my children. My love for them is the driving force behind my getting up every morning to try and try again.

As for enjoying him enough? The honest answer is yes and no.

1.10.2020

It's felt like a long and lonely winter so far... and it's only beginning! Really, I blame pregnancy for these feelings. I just don't have the energy (or the body, let's face it) to do all the things I want to do! Plus, there are a handful of things I really should not be doing. (See ya later, skis!) I miss the old me. I know I'll see her again in a year or so, but still, pregnancy is a sacrifice.

I guess it also feels lonely because all of my closest friends have been done having babies for years! Many of their oldest children are entering the youth program at church and their babies have started school. They are so busy and involved with their families. My children are just all around younger; we're not quite as busy yet. Remember those days when we used to get together with our little ones during the day just because we were bored and needed one another? Yeah, I'm still in that phase.

It means I need to reach out and add some more friends into my circle. But remember what I said in a previous post? Pregnancy makes me feel more introverted. So while I crave friendship and adventure outside (Oh, how I want to be outside in the sunshine!), I also crave just staying at home looking like a granny in my house dress, wool socks, and cardigan. True story. I need to post a picture of that outfit. It is soo comfortable! Lol. I'm a conundrum right now and I know it.

Sooo... anyone want to come over in their pajamas with a carton of ice cream and act boring and pregnant with me? Wait. I might actually know a couple of pregnant people. ;)

Anyway, I finally got the little man and myself out of the house today. He's been sick and I've been in a funk. A little sunshine, exploration, and some perfectly imperfect freelensed photos were just what we needed! Plus, we stopped for some donuts on the way home.

^^Potty break!^^

^^That LIGHT!^^

11.17.2019

BIG changes are on the way for the Nelson family! Do you want to hear the exciting news first or the really exciting news?

I'll begin with the really exciting news: we're expecting a baby due the end of May!

The news came as sort of a shock and sweet surprise. I honestly thought three children was our number!

We tried to get pregnant for a year or so with no luck -- even with a little medical help. Eventually, I decided to give the quest up all together and hopped back on some oral birth control. (For reasons I don't feel obligated to explain here.) As we gathered our family around for prayer in the evening, seeing my three boys there just made me feel content and at peace. However, every time I mentioned to a friend that we were done having kids, something inside me said that wasn't the truth. I chalked it all up to just being in my head; it's hard to let go of a dream.

Fast forward to this summer when I forgot to take my birth control pills a few times and my period came nearly a week early two months in a row. I thought, "Forget this! I'll call my OB when school starts and get on something more permanent. It's about time I seriously start the cancer prevention ball rolling anyway."

Well, a few weeks later found me in the bathroom trying to smear what just had to be a hair casting a shadow onto a positive pregnancy test, right?! LOL.

I instinctively knew I was pregnant. I was getting light headed when I stood up too quickly. I was using the bathroom in the middle of the night. And I suddenly wanted nothing to do with my poor husband. Haha.

Still, that positive pregnancy test came with a host of emotions! They ranged from joy and excitement (A real squishy baby to hold! More innocent childhood to soak in!) to disappointment (All those summer backpacking plans put on hold!) to fear (What if I miscarry again? Can I really handle four kids?). But really, that second pink line was the most welcome surprise. I still can't help but thank my Heavenly Father for this sweet blessing to be pregnant once again.

SLIDER