11.15.2011

Creature of Habit


It's a hat!

Confession: I am 26 years old and I am afraid of the dark.  Or more accurately, I am afraid of what lurks in the dark.  I've watched too many movies and I often let my thoughts run away with my imagination.  Really, I can't sleep without my feet covered.  I like to lay with my back towards the wall, you know, just in case something sneaks up on me.  Then I can stare it straight in the eye before it gets me.  It doesn't make any sense, does it?

Bron is routinely gone one or two nights a week.  And even though he'd sleep through the sonic boom of a jet plane, Bron is my protector.  He cuddles up next to me at night.  He is big and warm and comforting.  I love him.  I miss him when he's gone.  Bron has been at his job for three months, you would think I'd be adjusted to his absence by now.  But I'm in a new house, a bigger house.  There are new creaks and sounds and shadows to become accustomed to.  And so I stay awake until the wee hours of the morning.  I cannot sleep in my own room; it's too big and empty.  Instead, I curl up in the double bed in the guest room.  It's cozier in there. 

I am a creature of habit.  It must be that type A personality in me.  When Bron is gone overnight, it's hard for me to adjust.  The second night, I do okay.  Then the night Bron is home again I sleep so lightly I feel like I haven't slept at all.  It's miserable.  But the second night he is home, I sleep like a rock.  It's so weird.  I'm so weird!  This whole travel thing is really messing with my system!

But that's all you'll hear me complain about Bron being gone.  Bron enjoys his job.  Even though he is gone one or two nights a week, his new job schedule beats the stresses and rigor of school 100 times over!  While in school, Bron worked and studied 6-7 days a week.  And he was so stressed!  We saw each other in snipets of time and treated a free day like it was our last on the planet.  Now, however, Bron may be gone overnight, but Jed and I selfishly get him to ourselves every other evening and all weekend long!  The stress level in this house is minimal.  It makes such a difference.

I honestly don't mind my new found alone time.  The evenings are mine to do whatever I like without feeling an ounce of guilt.  There's more time for fun projects like photo editing, sewing, blogging, and scrap booking.  (And you thought I'd clean my house?  Yeah, right.)  Right now I'm painting and organizing our house!  I'm anxious to finish it.

I feel like my entire life has been thrown upside these past two weeks!  It's that creature of habit thing sneaking in again.  I cannot function correctly when my world is in chaos.  Moving has pushed me over the edge: Where did I put my phone?  Is the mail in the bag or in the car?  Did that bill get paid?  What are we going to eat for dinner?  I'm at the store, but I can't remember the three things I came for.  It's been two weeks since that toilet was scrubbed.  Eeew.  I HAVE NO ROUTINE!!!

This newness and chaos (for the second time in three months) is killing me!  And this time it's taking longer to conquer because this is our home for good; there's just a lot more to do.  Bron simply chuckles at me.  Just another or week or two... then maybe I can get a handle on a new routine.  Then maybe things will feel back to normal.  Then maybe those things lurking in the dark will go away too.

Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward to six months or even a year from now, when we are all settled, when we've made new friends, when we've established ourselves in the area and really feel at home.  {Sigh.}

 You can't tell me my kid isn't cute.  
He's darling!  And so much fun!

4 comments:

  1. I'm totally scared of the dark too! Jon works the night shift 5 times a week so I sleep by myself all the time but I hate it. I go to my parent's house a lot just to have some company at night. And yes, your boy is super cute. :)

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  2. I hear ya! I feel like I have been out of whack since I started feeling yucky pregnant in January! Now that the baby is here and almost 3 months old I am finally getting a handle on things!

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  3. It'll get better.. as you know it will! Keep chugging along and you'll wonder why you ever felt this way.

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  4. That picture reminds me of Grady! He can turn anything into a hat too. I know some nights I have a hard time falling asleep when Ty is gone too. I always stay up way too late when he is gone too. :)

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