5.06.2015

Spring Showers and A Little Update

At this moment I want to express a giant heartfelt 'thank you'.  I have felt an overwhelming abundance of love these last couple of weeks.  I am actually quite surprised by the number of hugs, phone calls, texts, emails, and gifts that keep arriving at my door from the sweetest and most caring of friends and family.  It is truly humbling and it all means the world to me--to know that I am thought of and prayed for.  (Seriously, you guys have brought tears to my eyes!)  I have prayed for comfort and it has come through many earthly angels.  I hope that one day I will be able to return the favor in someone's time of need with the same amount of grace and love that has been showered upon me.  With all my heart, thank you.  Thank you, thank you.    

For those who have asked, it's true, I've had some hard moments.  Talking about my miscarriage can still make me cry.  And seeing pregnant women still makes me a little sad.  (But it's not all doom and gloom!  We've played in the sunshine and the little boys keep me laughing.)  The hard moments are partly physically hormonal--am I going crazy?!--and the other part is emotional.  Poor Bron has put up with more tears this month than he has in our entire marriage combined!  The good man just loves me and keeps on reminding me that it's okay; I need to cut myself some slack.  It doesn't really matter that the boys watched three hours of tv or that the toilets haven't been scrubbed in a month... because I'm just not quite myself right now.  But I wish I was!

I'm ready to put this all behind me, to make it a memory.  I've hit the ground running this week, quite literally.  I've begun exercising again and tackling all of life's responsibilities with renewed gusto--though I can feel my energy waning fast.  Unfortunately, my instincts tell me that it's not completely over yet.  My body is still recovering and my emotional wound is still healing.  Something will inevitably come up to rip that fresh scab off and make it begin bleeding anew.  Time.  More time.  A miscarriage is a bigger deal physically and emotionally than I ever imagined it could be.  It takes time to heal.  It's hard not to let fear and doubt creep in, but I'm keeping my chin up and holding on to hope with everything I've got!  Everything will be okay.  I'm doing okay.               

^^Eye candy.  It rained a little while back.  So I played with my camera and a borrowed lens.  It blows me away how captivating something as simple as tiny raindrops can be.  I could just stare at these pictures.  I think I totally need my very own macro lens now.^^

5 comments:

  1. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you have a positive outlook for your future. Also, those raindrops really are so beautiful and captivating. Always remember, nature is the best medicine :)

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  2. oh gosh, i am so so so sorry. sending love! i hope you are doing better every day!!

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  3. You're an amazing person, Jessie! I've always looked up to you in so many ways. Everything happens for a reason. Someday I'm sure you'll be able to reach out to someone else in a similar situation. Love you!

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  4. I'm still sending hugs and prayers your way. Remember to be kind to yourself--your emotions are completely natural, Jessie. Please take care. Thinking of you.

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