Live and Learn

Live and Learn

• 9.12.2013

Circa October 2010

I think my twenties will emerge as the craziest, most change-filled, adventurous, and accomplished decade of my life!  So much has happened in such a short amount of time: college, some world traveling, a marriage, a real job or three, two cross-country moves, new friends, our first house, and of course becoming a mama of two little boys!

However, if I were to choose just one thing from this life's decade to trump all else as the most important change and accomplishment in my life thus far it would be... my little family.  I am so grateful for my very own little family: my ever patient sweet husband and two {darling} little boys.  I have never felt so much personal joy as I have in the last six years next to them.  Conversely, it's no secret that family life brings out the worst too; it has pushed me to my very limits and then some!  (When did sleep suddenly become a luxury?)  But that's the very reason I love family: it's a refiner's fire in a secure and unconditional-loving environment.

So here are a few things about marriage and family life I've learned thus far:
(Read the bold sentences for the condensed version)

:: Communication is our marriage's lifeline.  Even when we sacrifice some sleep by talking late into the night, it is worth every minute.  Bron and I love to talk, to plan, to bounce ideas off each other, and to express how we feel.  It keeps us "together" both literally and figuratively.

:: It's okay if it takes me a week to get all the things on my "to-do" list checked off.  Adjusting to tiny people's relentless needs was tough for me at first, but now I've just accepted my new reality.  We don't live in filth but we don't live in an immaculately organized house either.  We're simply happy.

:: There is no such thing as nagging Bron.  It just doesn't work, so I ask him once and wait.  I've been waiting almost two years for those child locks to be installed on my kitchen cabinets.  But I still love that man.  I appreciate him for what he does do!  I've never doubted that myself and our boys are at the top of his priority list.  His shows us love everyday.  I count myself very lucky.

:: Bron is a better husband and father when he gets away for a few hours each week for exercise an adrenaline rush.  His favorite forms?  Mountain biking and skiing.  (He's got the seasons covered!)  It's actually been really fun for me to watch him become a little obsessed with his new hobbies.

:: It's better to keep my mouth shut in the heat of the moment and come back to the problem--if it's still really a problem--later.

:: Other mommy friends are invaluable.  Not only are they just plain 'ol fun, but they also reassure me that I'm doing all right--my frustrations are normal and they don't have it all together all the time either.  And yet, they're pretty amazing women!  So I must be pretty amazing too.

:: When Bron asks for my opinion, he really means it.  So even when I couldn't care less which way he chooses to hang his bike in the garage, I make it a point to stop whatever I'm doing to give him my full undivided attention.  Bron wants to make me happy, and the only way he knows that I'm getting what I want too is by giving him my opinion.

:: My children are a direct reflection of me.  In other words, I need to learn to control my temper.  When they see me get frustrated and throw a fit (Hi. My name is Jessie. I am 28 years old and sometimes I can still throw a fit.), they think it's okay to do it too.  How can I expect them to do something I cannot?  I'm working on it.  And I'm happy to say I've come a long way.

:: Pregnancy and new babies are rough.  (Not to be confused with how amazing my body can be and the miracle of life.)  I wish I handled pregnancy with poise and grace, but I don't.  With two pregnancies under my belt, I can assure you that I am not my normal happy energetic self in that state.  To top it off, my libido submarines which leaves Bron a very sexually frustrated husband.  I think it's a normal thing for many couples, but it's still hard.  If we could skip pregnancy and jump right into life with our baby at about eight months old, we'd have half a dozen children!  (I suppose we could adopt, but that would be a whole other can of worms, so we will just stick to our current method of acquiring children.)  In essence, I'm not sure how many times our marriage can ride the pregnancy roller coaster without a car flying off the tracks.  All I know is that we both don't feel done adding babies to our family, but I also know our family will not be a typically big Mormon one.  Right now, just one last baby (and pregnancy) sounds perfect. (This is NOT an announcement.  Check back in a year or two.)

:: Spending quality time with my boys makes me feel like a stellar mother.  I make it a point every single day to put my phone away and my thoughts about my never ending to-do list to rest, and just play with my boys or do something fun with them.  Sometimes it takes a lot of energy (like chasing Jed around the yard) but other times they simply enjoy my quiet company in the sand box and a helping hand filling up the dump truck.  It's actually become an integral part of who I am and how I mother!  I love it.   

Note: As I discussed the direction of this blog with Bron, we both agreed that I should probably start including more personal details.  This is our family journal after all.  I think we'll appreciate it when we look back on some of these posts years from now and see so much change!  So this is my first feeble attempt at that...