12.08.2010

Time for Me?

One of my biggest fears about becoming a stay-at-home mother was that I would be bored out of my mind, especially during the nasty winter months. Perhaps I’ve become accustomed to the slower pace of home life. Maybe it’s the busy Holiday season. But suddenly Jed woke up and grew into a big baby who is quickly growing into a little boy and I am not bored at all!

I suppose there are two types of boredom. One stems from monotonous repetitiveness coupled with the mental energy it takes to communicate with small children. The other arises from a lack of things to do. I’m still relatively new to the first; I’m talking about the latter.

I’m up before the sun to exercise about the same time Jed is revving up his energy and smiles for the day. Then it’s nursing and changing and breakfast, a book, a nap, a shower, a chore, some play time, and time to eat again, and the pattern repeats itself with errands and Young Women’s thrown in. I’ve also begun babysitting a handsome brown eyed two year old a few days a week. It takes a lot of energy to keep a toddler and a baby occupied!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had my evenings to myself to do whatever I wanted. In college I dated, did fun and crazy things, and occasionally did homework. I taught violin lessons, did a little housework, scrapbooked, and vegged in front of the television in my pre-Jed life. Now, however, my days are often cut short because of work with the calves. The other evenings I find myself playing catch-up on the chores that multiply like a plague: dishes, folding laundry, and sweeping the floor so that Jed doesn’t have to digest something ultra funky. And it’s really the only time Bron and I can spend some quality time together. We need to talk; it keeps us close.

What I really need is sleep. I don’t get enough and it is my fault.

Where does the time go? When do I actually get to sit down and do something that I would enjoy doing without interruption? I would love to get the scrapbooks up to date. I would love to play my violin without someone whining to tell me he’s bored. I would love to get lost in a good book. I would love to do a lot of things. Just me. Alone. I miss that ME time!

I know I shouldn’t complain and should quit being such a drama queen. My life is good; my problems are boring and trivial. I just miss those selfish days now that they’re gone forever. I’m writing about it because I just want someone to know who understands. Or am I the only one who feels this way?

Perhaps this is the badge of a mother: to go like the energizer bunny, suck it up, and give life all she’s got! It’s exhausting. I wish I was Wonder Woman. She could do it all!

And to think I want more children someday! I must be insane. Or really happy despite it all.

I think this transition to motherhood is going to make me much, much cooler in the end.

9 comments:

  1. Its definitely not only you! I sometimes sit down at the end of the day and wonder where the whole day has gone while I look around and it doesn't seem like anything is done. What Ive started to do is while Travis takes his nap to take at least half an hr out of it to have some 'me time,' like read part of a book or watch a show instead of running around trying to get all the chores done while hes sleeping. Yes my house might not be as spotless clean as I would like, but I feel alot better after having just a small amount of down time!

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  2. I'm glad you're not bored. I get bored, but it's not because I don't have things to do. I just get tired of doing the things I need to do. One thing I am trying to do more is to do things for myself while I'm with the children. It means I pay less attention to them, which can sometimes be risky, but I figure it's good for them to learn to entertain themselves and not have mom hoovering over them or drop everyting to fix their every need. That's just me though, because I have a 3 year old who doesn't take naps and never stops talking to me.

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  3. Love Jed with the mouthful of wrapping paper!

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  4. Oh Jessie! I feel you on this one :)

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  5. Amen Sister! Actually I am in a pretty good place with my crazy little one. She is able to play and color for (small) increments of time now so I can do those things like straighten my hair or play the piano. Just hang in there! The time will come soon I am sure when you don't have to entertain all the time but you will instead have to watch for the destruction that will occur!!! :)

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  6. I hate to tell you this but it only gets worse the more kids you have and the older they get (no naps and more talking/whining).
    My recommendation. . . at least what works best for me, is to spend alone time NOT AT HOME! Your kids are still there even when you're trying to ignore them and having alone time (craft, music, reading, primping. . . whatever time) interrupted makes you irritated at your kids which is anything BUT relaxing. It also keeps you from being tempted to clean or something else just as CRAZY while you're supposed to be having a break :)
    A bunch of the young (and not so young) moms in my ward get together once a month or so and all dress up and go out to dinner together somewhere. Our hubbies watch the kiddos so we take as LONG as we want without having to worry about paying a babysitter. Which leads me to my other recommendation. I almost don't know what to do with myself by myself anymore. I love spending my ALONE time with friends instead of actually being ALONE. They help me relax more than anything else. Maybe that's just me though.
    Good luck! Sorry for the mini novel and take this advice in stride--I'm obviously still working on this sane mommy thing too!

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  7. seriously-- I TOTALLY understand. I am like crying because I totally understand. You write in a way that I wish I could. Totally took all the words out of my mouth. I think the hardest is when you want to do something (ei play your violin for like 5 minutes) and your child whines. It makes you feel so bad for them but also so bad for yourself. All i Know is that I respect my mom more and more everyday.

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  8. Don't worry! These unselfish days won't last forever! Just wait until Jed's about a year old, you'l be able to do more stuff because he'll be better able to entertain himself. And then, you'll have another baby and they'll learn to play together and you'll have lots of time!

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