Thoughts on How I'm Managing the To-Do List and What Love has to do with It

Thoughts on How I'm Managing the To-Do List and What Love has to do with It

4.14.2015

There are two things that make me feel like I'm rocking this gigue as a stay-at-home-mom:

1. Spending quality time with my kids
2. Keeping a clean house

It's a travesty that the two parts of my job naturally work against one another.  Most days I feel like I'm drowning in responsibility: so much to get done, so many places to be.  And though I have a very yellow personality--I have a very happy go-lucky attitude--I'm also part red--I thrive on organization and routine.

I noticed a little while ago that I started equating my sense of productivity and worth by how much I accomplished in a day.  "See!  I folded four loads of laundry, mopped the kitchen floor, made the bed, took out the trash, called about that thing, AND took the kids to the park."  Honestly, I was exhausting myself.  And life wasn't much fun; it was stressful.  I started lamenting about how I didn't get to that one thing that was on my "list" that day.  I deemed myself a failure because I didn't have time to scrub the toilet or I forgot to call the dentist to make an appointment.

It was so silly!  My kids love me just the way I am.  And Bron knows I always try my best and that's plenty good enough for him.  I simply wasn't being enough for me.

That's when I remembered my mom's advice when I brought home Levi: "Keep your expectations low."  And then my Grandpa's instruction came to mind, "Get the important things done first in the day.  The rest can wait till tomorrow.  And some things, you'll never get to." 

The hard truth is that our lives are defined by ordinary everyday actions and moments: taking the time to pray, reacting with kindness instead of harshness, practicing an instrument, etc.  Small consistent efforts like exercising 20 minutes every day can reap huge benefits in just a few weeks!

I resolved then and there to make my to-do list shorter, to minimize distractions that waste my time (ahem, social media), to "roll with the punches" and not stress over un-done tasks.  After all, it can usually be done tomorrow.  All I really have is today; I should make it count.

And that's where I had a personal light bulb suddenly illuminate.  Making my day count means working towards my personal goals, but more importantly, making sure my family knows that I love them.

Que The Five Love Languages: Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Quality Time. 

Bron thrives on physical touch and quality time.  I could go into much greater detail about how I show Bron love, but the bottom line is that over the course of our marriage I have learned that I need to stop what I'm doing to really listen to him: to stop editing pictures in the evening so that we can cuddle, to forgo the sink of dishes to just be with him.  (And for you moms of young children out there you know that can be a sacrifice!  There are often fleeting windows of opportunity: The kids are fed, they're happy.  Hurry!  Fill the dishwasher before someone poops his pants!)

The epiphany is that when I take the time and effort to fill Bron's "tank",  my list of responsibilities still get done--one way or another.  Sometimes a chore is pushed off till the next day, but most of the time, most of the time Bron jumps in to help me.  Occasionally, he even cleans the entire kitchen himself--which speaks to my "acts of service" heart!

He feels loved.  I feel loved.  It's a win-win.

So the age-old advice about putting marriage first and everything else falling into place is really true!  I just wish it hadn't taken me nearly eight years to put this all together myself.  Good gracious, I married an amazing man.  And I am a lucky mother to two of the world's sweetest and wildest boys.  I am determined to devote my whole heart to these three boys of mine.  I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that I love them and I want to show them every day.

Everything else will get done in between.

 ^^The little boys' first real kite flying experience a couple of weeks ago.  The excitement and grins were totally worth the $12 spent a hundred times over.^^

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Why Bron and I Go On Awesome Mountain Biking Dates

Why Bron and I Go On Awesome Mountain Biking Dates

6.08.2014

Are you sick and tired of seeing pictures every weekend from these grand bike riding adventures Bron and I go on together?  I know I'm not!  These bike riding dates have become one of the highlights of my week.  We're lucky enough to have a regular babysitter whom I like and trust so I'm able to just let go and enjoy the moment.

Mountain biking is an adrenaline rush!  It's also exercise.  My legs burn, I breathe hard, and I may even sweat a little.  *Wink*  Plus, the views are sometimes pretty spectacular!  It's kind of an incredible thing to zone in on a trail no more than twelve inches wide to conquer technical aspects like maneuvering between two rocks and gearing down for a steep hill.  Bron will always be a better rider than me (After all, it's his main hobby and he rode twenty miles that morning too!), but I can tell I'm getting faster and more comfortable with the sport because last night I took a couple of spills.  But no matter, it's just a little flesh wound, right?  We had sooo much fun with our friends, Nick and Amy!  I am more than happy to share in my husband's passion for biking.  It's already quickly becoming one of my own.  Not to mention, we're making priceless memories!

A few months after Levi was born, Bron and I decided that we wanted needed to go on regular dates together.  After all, we aren't students anymore; we can afford a babysitter if we want one.  It was rough at first for me to leave my extremely attached baby for a few hours, but I began noticing how much better I felt!  I finally had a break from my demanding 24/7 job.  (Caring for two little ones and a home is no cake walk!)  I felt refreshed and ready to tackle a new week.  Also, without any time for "just the two of us" our relationship was becoming strained.  Regular date nights have helped tremendously.  It's a time we finally get to talk and be heard without interruptions or distractions.  On a date, Bron and I get to hold hands, have some fun, eat delicious food, and even go grocery shopping without two pint sized time bombs in the basket.  It's the little things.  I really do love my man and he loves me.  We want a happy marriage.  When we are good, everything else is good.  I don't know exactly how or why that works, all I know is that it does.

So if you're wondering what we're doing on any regular weekend this summer, you can safely assume that we're outside biking for at least part of it.  After all, it's a cheap date!  We come away with an adrenaline rush whilst totally earning that greasy burger and fries.  Then we head home to a quiet house to shower and relax.  It is hands-down the best!

Just one more reason to love summer... and that man whom I've pledged my whole heart and soul.

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5 Reasons Our Marriage is a Happy One

5 Reasons Our Marriage is a Happy One

1.22.2014

Bron and I will be married seven years in May.  I know that it's not long in the grand scheme of things, but we've been married long enough to have experienced some ups and downs.  We've ventured into a lot of "firsts" together like graduate school, moving across the country, buying a home, and most importantly, becoming a family with the births of our two children.  We've built a life together!  Undoubtedly, all these life adventures have come with their fair share of emotions and stress and adaptation.  And we've both learned a lot... a lot, a lot. 

Right now, Bron and I are at a pinnacle place in our marriage.  In fact, Bron and I have bonded over the last year or so like never before.  I didn't know marriage could be so wonderful!  We're still learning about each other and changing.  I really can't explain my marriage in words.  It's a special, intimate, working hard for him, satisfying kind of love with my best friend--my life's eternal partner--and my soul knows it's just right.  I want to shout it from the rooftops: I love Bron!

I know life has quite a few more curve balls left to throw at us and we still have much to learn, but I want to write down a few reasons why our marriage is thriving right now--as a future reference for myself and perhaps to other women as well.

1.  Communication.  One of my favorite parts of each day is talking with Bron after the kids go to bed.  Sometimes we talk for hours and stay up waaay too late.  But I like it.  We talk about everything.  We talk about the funny things our kids do, but more importantly we talk about our hopes and dreams.  We make plans for the upcoming weeks and months.  We talk about politics and work and that crazy tv show we just watched.  We talk about the things our friends and family are doing.  There seems to be an abundance of things to talk about.  I hope we never stop communicating like this.

2.  Show Some Appreciation.  Men just want to be appreciated.  Bron works hard.  He works long hours at his job and then comes home to his second job taking care of his family.  Yes, he's a typical man and seemingly doesn't lift a finger when the kitchen looks like it's been bombed, but he does change dirty diapers, he does entertain the boys while I cook dinner, he does do many things that are worth noticing.  He's a genuinely good man and I am lucky to have him!  A simple, "thank you" goes a long way with Bron.  Also--and this is where I can do better--what man doesn't like a big glass of chocolate milk or a sandwich while he's working on his computer or watching a football game?  Those little actions say, "I love you" in a big way. 

3.  Date Nights/Quality Time Together.  Just because we're married doesn't mean we should stop pursuing one another.  Bron and I really enjoy our bi-monthly dates.  (Two dates a month seems to work well for us for now, both financially and time-wise.)  We get to do something fun--just the two of us--just like we used to do and will do after our children are grown.  We get to talk without interruption and eat a warm meal!  It is relaxing and rejuvenating.

4.  Let It Go.  Thumper nailed it when he said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I've noticed that the longer Bron and I are married, the more blunt we are.  But that doesn't mean I should pick a fight.  If something is annoying me, I try to bite my tongue and not say something in the heat of the moment.  If it's a real issue, I can bring it up with my husband later.  (Usually that evening.) 

5.  Sex.  Do not underestimate the power of sex.  Admittedly, I have been that woman who was too tired for it on multiple occasions.  "I've had a toddler hanging on my legs all day, a baby sucking from my boobs, and now you want a piece of me too?  Just leave me alone."  Yup, I've totally been there.  Twice.  Fortunately, babies grow up quickly, the dust settles, and Bron and I are able to create a healthy bedroom routine again.  (Sorry, Dad!)  I know it's really hard to drop that "mommy" role and put on the "girlfriend" hat, but I've learned that it's sooo important!  Sex simply bonds a couple together.  It's fun!  And I love that it strengthens our marriage.

BONUS: We tell each other "I love you" like it's going out of style.  Hearing those three words multiple times a day feels comforting.

Here's to many more happy years with my partner in crime at my side!

*Feel free to add your two cents in the comments about what helps make a marriage happy.*

^^These photos are of our cousin Rylee and her fiancé Jeremy.  They stayed a night at our house over the weekend along with our Aunt Denese.  We had so much fun with them!  Thanks for coming to visit!^^ 

See more photos from their engagement shoot on my photography blog

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We are Officially That Boring Married Couple

We are Officially That Boring Married Couple

5.19.2013

It is physically painful for Bron to have his picture taken

We have officially crossed the threshold.  What threshold?  That threshold.  You know what I'm talking about: the threshold that officially plants us well in the "old and boring married" territory.

We went grocery shopping on our date.  Twice now, actually.  And I have to admit, grocery shopping without the kids is borderline enjoyable.

Am I nuts?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

I mean, I get to stroll around the store late in the evening arm in arm with my husband.  We talk and tease and nonchalantly discuss the state of the avocados.  

"Oh!  I forgot the sweetened condensed milk," I told Bron.  "I'll run and get it."
"Why run?" Bron asked.  "We aren't in a hurry and we'll pay the babysitter with a $20 regardless."
(Because who carries cash and better yet, who has change?)
So we mosied ourselves on over to the baking aisle.

What sweet sweet bliss it is to take my time shopping when I lack two miniature time bombs people in the cart.  (In case you didn't know, little people tend to get impatient and fussy when they're strapped into a cart too long.  Worse, toddlers tend to run away and throw temper tantrums in the middle of an aisle.) 

Also, how nice it is to have a conversation with my husband!

I used to worry (a little) that Bron and I would run out of things to talk about together.  Thank goodness that's not the case at all!

When we go on a date and sit down over dinner, it feels like I'm finally able to catch up with my best friend.  Surprisingly, we actually don't discuss our kids very much.  We have a long uninterrupted conversation in the daylight about work, about things we've read and heard, about our interests, about our wants and dreams for the future.  They're good conversations.

And then when we top off dinner with a calm and quiet hour in a book store, Bron and I both find the rejuvenation we need for the week.

A few hours just the two of us does wonders for me because sometimes I just need a break from my children.  And I feel absolutely no guilt saying that.

After a couple of hours I start to notice all the little children around and I begin to miss my own little children.  My arms ache to hold my own baby and my ears can't wait to hear Jed's happy little voice.  I appreciate motherhood and all its perks that much more!

And a few hours away is good for us as a couple.  Like Bron said on our anniversary date, "When we are good, everything else is good."

There couldn't be a more true story.  When we put our marriage first, everything else just seems to fall into place.  That is a real life happily ever after.

 Sometimes we feel like this...

 but mostly we feel like this!

 And these two little boys make us complete.

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Happy 4th Anniversary

Happy 4th Anniversary

5.05.2011

I found a little red leather bound journal. Written inside was the story of how Bron and I met and married. I had so much fun reading and remembering! I’m such a sap. Our story isn’t all that unique or even romantic, but it’s special to me. We sometimes reminisce about those days, the events that brought us together, and the characteristics that we still love about one another. So, I am writing it here for all to see on this, our 4th anniversary, because I think it’s worth hanging on to.

P.S.  This is MY version of our story.  Bron's version is a bit different; he remembers every excruciating detail.  But since he is unwilling to write his version of "our story", this is the version that is going down in history.

Our Story: How Bron and I Met and Fell in Love

Our story began in the winter of 2005. I initially met Bron just after he returned home from his mission in Russia in March. He and his little brother, Talon, visited my apartment to flirt with us girls in Birch #103 at BYU-Idaho a few times. Strangely, neither Bron nor I thought anything of it.

But we soon met again. In September the following Fall Semester, Bron and I recognized each other crossing campus between classes. We chatted for a brief minute and I invited him to stop by my new apartment. And he did—several times. Sometimes he came by with friends and other times he came alone. We really hit it off! He was easy to talk to and I enjoyed his company.  It helped that there was absolutely no romantic pressure.  I had kind-of sort-of dated his little brother months back.  (Nothing serious.  In fact, I recall him dating three girls at once!  And I recall going on two dates with two different guys in one Saturday, so really.)  Ironically, these circumstances left Bron and I to become friends without all the awkwardness of early dating.

Enjoying the fall foliage in Provo Canyon (September 2006)

One day, between classes, Bron asked me if I’d like to see the Bar Jay Wranglers perform at Rigby High School. I was delighted! I knew I liked Bron, but was too stubborn to admit it for weeks.  I could tell he wanted to hold my hand, but I held it back... for a while at least.  I guess that was our first official date. 

Bron also went country dancing on campus every Wednesday night. I conveniently showed up every week at about 9:00PM hoping for some attention from him. And I got it! We usually danced several times—even learning the cha-cha together—and if I got lucky, he’d take me out for ice cream afterwards.

And thus began our courtship.

The Elk Refuge in Jackson, WY (February 2006)

We dated for a year and a half. Bron was super busy. He went to school full time, worked on the family dairy farm, and dated me. We did a ton of fun things together!  Bron knew how to "wine and dine" a girl.  I think he lived on five or six hours of sleep.

I ended up on the farm out in Ririe, ID at least once a week to “help” milk those bovine beauties. I often spent Saturday nights out there too, Bron graciously taking up residence on the couch or in his little brother’s bedroom. The Nelson home was warm, fun, and delicious. Plus, I fell in love with the Ririe Singles Branch. I went to church there many more times than at my assigned ward at school. Everybody in Ririe was real: what you saw was what you got, and that’s what I loved about it. Plus, I loved to see my handsome man all dressed up in his Sunday best teaching the Sunday School lesson. There’s a lot you can learn about a man just by observing him in his “natural habitat” (for lack of a better word) at work, at home, and at church.

An evening milking the cows! (Fall 2006)

The Mushy Stuff...

Bron is sweet, thoughtful, and selfless. He has many talents. He is smart, hard-working, and motivated. But best of all, he’s an honest, loyal, and dedicated friend. There were many things that impressed me about Bron when we were dating. He has a testimony of Jesus Christ and wants to choose the right in all he does. I am grateful to have a man like him!

He treats me so well. He knows exactly what to do for me when I am sad, frustrated, or upset.  It's amazing how well he can handle me because not many people can.  I’m also not expected to keep up with the guys. He wants me to just be me and appreciates the talents and the qualities that are uniquely mine. With Bron, I have always felt free to accomplish any goal or start any new interest.

He baby’s me too. I love to be held and he holds me. He’s also a tease and a goof sometimes. He makes me smile. He takes care of me and understands me like nobody else can. He is my best friend.  And even though our marriage isn't perfect, it's full of affection and "I love you"s.  I know he loves me no matter what.  And I love him!

Hiking Upper Palisades together (June 2006)

The Drama...

I knew back in September 2006 that Bron was my “Mr. Right”. We talked about our potential future together often.  My heart told me he was the right choice for me, but I just couldn’t commit. You see, my best friend from high school was getting home from his mission in November that same year. I just had to know—in my head and in my heart—who was right for me! I knew I could not live with any “what ifs” or questions or regrets. I had to know!  And I was being extremely stubborn about it.

The anxiety of those few months trying to decide whom I really wanted to marry nearly killed me. Worse, it stressed Bron so much it nearly tore him two. But he hung in there, telling me I was worth it. I prayed and prayed and prayed to know what to do. Then one day, out of the blue, it was crystal clear; I was at peace.  All of my worries and apprehensions about marriage were gone. I was finally able to analyze—in my head—what made Bron and my relationship so much better and why I was so frustrated with my missionary. The feeling didn't go away for days.  I felt giddy and light as air.  I think it was an answer to my prayers.

I told Bron I was ready to marry him over dinner at a local restaurant on a Wednesday night in January.  (He'd already asked me unofficially something like twice.  It was my turn.)

The next thing I knew Bron was sliding a shiny engagement ring onto my finger on my 22nd birthday. It was the most exciting birthday ever!  (Poor guy, he will never be able to beat that gift again.)

The picture on our wedding announcements.  Yes, please shake your head and laugh.

We were married on May 5, 2007 in the Idaho Falls LDS Temple. It was, honestly, the happiest day of my life. The feeling was one of pure joy. Words really aren’t adequate. There is simply nothing better than knowing that the man I love belongs to me forever!

And so began our happily ever after... We had our reception in a big red barn. We went on a five day cruise to Mexico and Belize for our honeymoon. And we've been living in newly wedded bliss ever since!  (Okay, that's an exaggeration.)  But we are most definitely happily married.  That's our story!

Bron is totally the best decision I’ve ever made.

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