2.12.2015

When My Little Boys Know More Than I Do


1. Last week when I had started my period again, for the thirteenth time, I snuck away into an empty bedroom and sunk to my knees.  I just couldn't help the hot tears and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father.  I mean, after two smooth pregnancies I never expected to be a part of that statistic of folks who can't get pregnant.  I'm trying to trust in God's timing, that He loves me.  I've even almost convinced myself that raising the two little miracles I've been given is plenty enough and will totally be a riot; exactly how God intended.  So even though I may claim I'm done trying and moving on to other things, there's still that small glimmer of hope that this month, this month we'll be adding a new tiny member to our family.

A couple of minutes later I heard the boys calling for me so I went to check on them.

"Mom, you sad?" Jed noticed.

"Yeah, Mom is feeling sad right now."

"Why?"

"You know that baby we've been praying for?  Heavenly Father says 'no'.  There's no baby on the way," I tried to explain.

"Well, you just have to wait a little longer," Jed reassured me with a smile.

Wise words from a little child.  I'm taking it as an answer to prayer... because, why not?  He's probably right.


2. We were shopping in Winco (the grocery store) when I noticed Levi looking up at the ceiling and happily chatting away in the cart.   I asked him what he was doing.

"There's a person up there," Levi explained.  I looked, of course.  All I saw was air and the ceiling beams 20 feet above.  I can't remember exactly what I asked next but his answer was, "No, Mom.  It's a girl!"

I smiled and waited a moment.  "What's her name?" I fished.  He answered something I couldn't understand.

The experience made me pause and reflect.  Levi doesn't know how to lie.  And sure he has a big imagination, but he was probably telling the truth.  I believe in angels and spirits and heaven, and I believe it's closer than we know.  I also believe that for little children that veil between heaven and earth can be very thin.  Maybe he saw his grandma that had passed on, or his future sister?  I don't know.  All I know is that was a special moment and I'd like to believe him.     

14 comments:

  1. I love this story. A while after my mom had her first two children, she started being "visited" quite often by a cute little boy with dark hair and glasses. Not in a creepy way, but in a, "Mom I'm ready to come now, look at me, please let me come!" way. I think these visits were mostly in dreams, but there might have been other experiences. Long story short, my parents had a baby (that they were actively NOT trying for) within a year, and now that baby is my tall, handsome, glasses-wearing younger brother. I don't know if that type of experience is a common thing, but I too believe that spirits are closer than we know, and that they come when "it's time." I hope to have beautiful little boys like yours some day! That curly hair just kills me.

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  2. I love this. How sweet to have little boys to help give perspective. I'm praying for you and your little family, it's so hard and almost impossible to keep faith, but there is a plan bigger than we can imagine.

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  3. You have the sweetest boys! I'll definitely be praying for you guys. When I had a miscarriage before getting pregnant with Evelyn, I was dumbfounded. How after two fairly healthy pregnancies could this happen? I was totally blindsided by it. But it was all in God's plan, and now we have perfect (except for the sleeping part) little Evelyn.

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  4. Don't lose hope yet, Jessie. You are still very young so there is still time....alot of time. Keep praying and keep counting your blessings. You have beautiful sons and you are well loved by many. THe wonderful thing about children is they have the ability to bring you up and make you stronger. There have been many moments in my life where I just felt such despair, but it was my kids who were there for me more than anyone. They have a way of comforting us.

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  5. Hugs to you today my friend! Trusting God's timing is such a challenging thing sometimes but you are so loved always! Hang in there and good job on recording so that you can return to remember these sweet things your earthly angels say and do.

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  6. I am so sorry. I wish I could come, give you a hug, and tell you everything is going to be okay. It is so hard to understand Gods timing sometimes. When it took us almost a year to get and stay pregnant with Travis (2 miscarriages) it was one of the hardest struggles I have ever had to go through. No woman should ever feel that pain.
    I love that you have two very loving and perceptive little boys. I know you will be blessed with another wonderful little spirit into your family at some point. The waiting part is the hardest.

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  7. What sweet boys. It's amazing how much frustration children bring but also how much peace they bring. Praying for you in this trial.

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  8. Oh sweet boys, and momma! I wish I could give you all a hug right now! It is SO hard to wait when we want something so badly, especially something as precious as a baby! But it will happen! Your boys are so sweet and I have no doubt that what they both said is true! Their sweet spirits are still so close to God! One of my best friend's girls, her oldest daughter, has laid out the time line for 2 of her siblings. She told her mom it was time to have a baby, told her the sex of the baby, and when she was pregnant (before knowing she was pregnant) her daughter would tell her she was pregnant! She's already told her what the next baby is going to be (which will be the 5th babe, when they start trying) it is SO crazy that she's in 1st grade yet her sweet spirit is still close enough to God to sense these things! So maybe you have a daughter waiting to be sent to you ;)
    Praying for you, Jessie!!

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  9. Oh, talk about make grandma cry. I ache for you too. I know it will happen, just as Jed says. Remember that Faith always preceeds the miracle. Mine was a lesson in patience. It is God's time not always our time. Love ya.

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  10. Your boys know what they're talking about. I wish I could give you a hug. The best thing about kids is that they always have a way to keep us grounded and remind us to have an eternal perspective. Remember Heavenly Father has a plan and purpose for everything. And what might seem like eternity to get pregnant is just a blink of an eye to Heavenly Father. I'll keep you in my prayers. Love you!

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  11. holy cow, this post made me tear up. what a sweet little boy you have - and i'm swooning over that curly hair!

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  12. Oh my sweet boys. I am so sorry about that period again. .I can't imagine the disappointment you are feeling, but thank goodness for their beautiful perspective. I will send some prayers your way!

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  13. Sweet moments with your cute boys! I'm sorry life isn't going how you planned or hoped right now, waiting and trusting in the Lord's timing is one of the hardest things about this life. And it sounds like you know and believe that, but sometimes when you are living it even that knowledge isn't enough to stop the tears. Glad you have those sweet boys to help lift your spirits.

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  14. I am a total believer in heaven and angels, and of course, our heavenly Father. Keep on praying Jessie. There was a time that I thought my marriage would fall apart (my husband became addicted to pain meds), but I prayed for five straight years that we make the right choices to help him get better, and he's clean and sober today. Your prayers will be answered Jessie. I know they will. Hugs to you!!

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