Today Is Jed's First Day of Preschool and I'm a Mess

Today Is Jed's First Day of Preschool and I'm a Mess

• 2.10.2014

My heart just broke and I am a blubbery emotional mess.  I cried in the car when we left the school.  I nearly bawled when a nice woman called to go over the bus schedule with me last Friday.  I have a lump in my throat the size of a basketball.  I'm barely keeping it together, folks.

And all because my baby is starting preschool.

Jed is three and half years old now and I originally chose not to put him into preschool this year for three reasons: 1.  He still has next year  2.  Why make myself busier than I need to be?  3.  He will spend the rest of his foreseeable life in school.  (A little dramatic?)  But I really believe kids need to be kids and play!

However, as this school year wore on, Bron and I both became a little more concerned about Jed's speech.  Jed has never been a particularly articulate child, which is fine for boys, I hear.  And although he can make an "s" sound or "b" sound, he isn't using them within words, among other things.  So I took him into our local school district's preschool to be evaluated for my own peace of mind.

Ironically, he hasn't even seen the speech therapist yet.  He qualified to attend school on account of his motor skills.  You see, Jed has a tremor.  His hand (and sometimes his whole body) shakes when he is nervous or excited.  And though I thought nothing of it (Remember, he's my first child.  I don't know any different.), Jed's doctor noticed the tremor at his two year appointment and recommended he see an occupational therapist.  So we had an occupational therapist come to our home every week for about six months.  No one could quite pinpoint the problem.  Bron just thought Jed grew too tall too fast.  I thought maybe he had slightly lower muscle tone.  Who knows? 

After a while it became apparent to me that Jed is simply on the slower end for motor skills on average for boys his age--not by too much, just a few weeks.  And frankly, that doesn't bother me.  After all, somebody has to be a little slower to make an average, right?  My biggest concern is that Jed is able to keep up in the classroom and on the playground with his peers.  He doesn't ever need to be the smartest or the most athletic because his worth is not determined by those things.

Jed has made leaps and bounds in his development this year.  I am so, so proud of him.  I guess it just hurts to realize that my child could really benefit from some of the help he would get at preschool. 

But still... it's so incredibly hard for me to let go.  (Why is it so HARD for me?)

He's my baby.  For the last three and a half years he has been by my side 24/7.  He's been my sweet little sidekick and it just feels like our carefree time together is coming to an end all too soon.  I cherish those moments when we sit together to read book after book or when I chase him around the couch or when we play hide-and-go-seek.  I know he'll just be gone for four hours, but that's over a third of the time he's actually awake!  I suppose I will just have to make the hours he is home count.

I sure love you, Jed.  I love you so much.  I'm really going to miss you when you're at school.  I hope you surprise me with how much you learn and grow.  But mostly,  I hope you come home happy and ready to play, play, play.