10.11.2013

Mommy Guilt Takes No Prisoners

^^That time Jed snuck off to eat a blue crayon while I tried to make dinner.  I expect that from Levi, not you, Jed!  Oh well. 
I sure love my pair of Crazies.  They just scream "trouble" don't they?^^
 
I've had an off week, or more like an off week and a half.  I feel like a roughly inadequate mother and I can't quite pinpoint why. 
 
Is it my self-imposed lack of sleep? (ME time!)
Or lack of exercise?
Perhaps I can blame these blue feelings on the actual period I'm having for the very first time since Levi's birth.  (That's fourteen months, folks!)
Or is it the fact that I cannot take a shower while my boys are awake for fear of my house falling apart that's bothering me?
Maybe it's the change of weather.  (Ironically when the sun begins setting sooner, my days start feeling longer.)
Perhaps I've been spending too much time keeping my house clean and not spending enough quality time with my boys.
I know I feel guilty about not sitting down with Jed for a few minutes of "preschool" each day like I thought I would this Fall.
 
So many things.  So many good things to be doing.  So many needs to fill.  I sometimes feel like silly putty being pulled in a hundred different directions, but I only stretch so far. 
 
It's an uphill battle, this motherhood life thing. 

I am constantly learning and relearning lessons on patience, humility, balance, kindness, and understanding...
 
Most days I'm able to keep the unrelenting mommy guilt (you moms know what I'm talking about, don't you?) at bay.  I cut myself some slack and make sure to spend some quality time with my boys.  Voila!  I feel good.  Genuinely.  But like I said, this week has been an off week.  I just haven't been able to bounce back like I normally do.
 
So here's to a fabulous weekend and high hopes for a fresh beginning to a wonderful week! 

5 comments:

  1. I feel the same way friend and you are NOT a lousy mom. But yeah I know how you feel, I have daily ( hourly) Mom fails. I've had an off week too and I can't pinpoint why either.

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  2. I think we all have weeks, sometimes months like that! And yes, enjoy the unscheduled life before your kids get into school. I will never regret the spontaneous trips and things we took while we could. Now the school schedule RULES our days. I guess they need to learn sometime and don't beat yourself up over preschool...Hailee is picking everything up quickly in Kindergarten even though she wasn't schooled much at home. Kids will have plenty of school time before they hit 18, so don't worry about rushing it. -that's my philosophy anyway.

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  3. I completely understand and empathize with your feelings Jessie. Maybe it's the weather and shorter daylight thing... I've been feeling overwhelmed and off too. And yes...every day I promise myself that I will get a chance to read a book, play a board game, or do something special with my little guy, and every day I keep on disappointing myself as I come home from work too tired to do anything productive. This guilt thing is awful. Hang in there my friend! We're always our own worst critics.

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  4. Oh, I hear you! There are so many times where I feel like I should be 'doing more', but in the end, as long as my boys and healthy and happy and my sanity is somewhat in tact, we call it a win. Hope this week is better for you!

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  5. I feel like we're always going to feel inadequate. Because it's a delicate balancing act where if you're doing one thing FABULOUSLY, you're probably doing other things not-so-fabulously. So the end result is that we give as much of ourselves to the things we love and let the rest of it go. So I'm coming to terms with the fact that my hair needs coloring, my toes need painting, the kitchen needs organizing, etc. That unimportant stuff will wait until I get to it. The important stuff (like baby snuggles and quality time with my husband) won't. :)

    You're doing great, momma! Those boys obviously adore you and seem so very happy. That's evidence of life well done! :)

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