Playing in the Leaves/Five Things

Playing in the Leaves/Five Things

• 10.15.2015

^^This kid keeps me on my toes: cute, animated, three year old energy.^^

^^Genuine giggles.  This sweet boy will never know just how much I adore him.^^

1.  Tis the season!  I have been swamped with photography sessions and editing this Fall.  The good news is that I enjoy it (for the most part) and the better news is that I'll be all done in just a few weeks.  Woot!  I'm really looking forward to working on some personal projects. 

2.  A quick stop at the library has become a part of the regular routine for us.  The boys pick out a handful of random picture books from off the shelves, but we always leave with a couple of books from the same series too.  We just can't get enough!  

Jed is really into the Magic Treehouse series by Mary Pope Osborne.  They're chapter books about two kids who can travel to any place or time and they always have some big adventure.  It's become Jed and my thing to snuggle up on the couch together to read.  We once read an entire book in a single sitting!  So yes, I love reading the series almost as much as my son.  But the best part is knowing that Jed comprehends the story-line.  He's listening and learning!  

Levi's favorite series are some hilarious and far-fetched stories by James Stevenson about Grandpa and his little brother Wainwright.  Levi begs to read a 'Wainey book' every evening.  But my favorite part?  Whenever Jed or Levi start whining I say something like, "Hey Wainey, why are you whining?" and the boys just giggle.  It works!  So if you have little kids, I totally recommend checking out those books.

3.  Last Saturday we attended my nephew Tannon's baptism.  Jed was totally into it.  It was so cute.  On our ride up he asked a lot of questions.  Then he had his nose glued to the glass when Tannon actually got baptized.  Three more years Jed, then it will be your turn if you want.  

Also, Bron's little brother Kaleb got engaged to Chantee'!  I can't wait to do their engagement session.  She's a cutie and a good fit for the family, I think.


4.  I walked into our town's brand new Ulta store and nearly turned around and walked back out.  The choices in makeup was overwhelming!  Isn't it a cardinal rule that you don't give a girl too many choices?  Instead of getting excited she shuts down because making the right choice is just too stressful!  Haha.  I did buy some makeup setting spray to hopefully offset my greasy eyelids.  I'll be back for lipstick another day!

While we're on the subject of shopping, I went on a little mall spree with my friend Dani for new jeans.  We had so much fun trying on pair after pair in the dressing room, all the while high-fiving each other on the results of our exercising efforts.  We're looking like hot mamas!  Especially Dani.  I'm so proud of that woman.  I stand in awe of her dedication and self-discipline.  She has lost nearly 100 pounds total over the last few years.  She totally deserves the satisfaction of slipping into a pair of size small jeggings!    

5.  Last but not least, I need to confess that the last two months have been especially tough for me.  I think my hormones are totally out of whack because I have gone bat-shiz crazy on more than one occasion. (For an example, read my last post.)  I don't care to relive all the tears or the times I know I've completely over-reacted but just couldn't stop myself.

Unfortunately, so much of my problem stems back to my desire for a third baby and the miscarriage I had several months ago.  I had no idea just how HARD a miscarriage can be.  I thought I had moved through the emotions, but as baby's due date approaches and I still can't manage to get pregnant, I feel especially sad.  And maybe even a little bitter.  A part of me is ready to purge the house of all the baby stuff--crib, bouncer, car seat, changing table, etc.--somebody just take it.  I don't want it anymore.  But the other part of me doesn't want to give up hope!  Someday, someday maybe the Lord will say 'yes' and help us grow our family.

I don't know why so many of us women have to go through this.  It's hard and it sucks and it's not fair.  But I do know that I'm learning a lot and I'm trying to be thankful for the experience.  I am thankful that I can empathize with other women who are going through a similar hardship.  I am thankful to be learning how to put my faith in God and His plan for me; that He does indeed love me even if my prayers aren't being answered like I think they should.  And finally, I am thankful for that little baby bean that once grew inside my tummy.  I hope and pray there's a special little spirit waiting for me in heaven to hug and love on.