The Day We Found Fall
9.23.2015
^^Playing with their monster trucks in a super gorgeous Autumn-like spot^^
^^His facial expressions kill me! So, so animated. Wish you could just watch him talk.^^
^^Tyke is such a smart and sweet dog. He always brings up the rear wherever we go--be it bike rides or hikes. He looks out for his family.^^
^^Ross Falls!^^
^^Hanging out in a real cave covered in wet green moss! "Mom, it doesn't hurt me, see??"^^
Brotherly love. It doesn't always look like this, but when it does, my mommy heart swoons. Different as night and day, I love watching Jed do something thoughtful for his brother and hearing Levi sweetly reply, "Thank you, Jed! It's enough of an indication that I know these two are forming a special lifelong bond.
^^Beware the crazy-haired bridge troll! Haha.^^
September has been a rough month for me and the last few days have been especially tough. Feelings of inadequacy have been eating me alive! I've really been struggling to find my groove since school started. I try my hardest (oh do I try!) to be the best wife, mother, and friend I can possibly be. I try to keep a clean home, teach my children the Gospel of Jesus Christ, keep a budding photography business afloat, cook healthy meals, exercise, and a host of other really good things. But I feel as if I come up short every single day. I am painfully aware--and sometimes blissfully unaware--of my personal quirks and faults. And my daily plans to accomplish always seem to be thwarted completely in the other direction because someone or something demands my attention.
Tuesday I was in tears. I felt so completely overwhelmed it was paralyzing. That's when I decided to leave all my cares behind with a trip to the South Hills, just my little boys and me. Fall is in full swing up there! The hills are aflame in gorgeous yellow leaves. We had a blast. The boys and I spent four hours in the afternoon hiking and 'sploring' and playing among the trails and trees. Even Jed noticed how quiet it was. "It's so peaceful up here, Mommy!" I know. It's perfect. Turns out, some fresh air was just the pick-me-up I needed.
I'm feeling better today and much more like myself. Yesterday's time-out helped me push that proverbial reset button and to realize a few things:
1. I expect way too much of myself. I've gone this circle before and need to keep reminding myself that my self-worth is NOT in any way equated to how many things I can cross off my to-do list. I am not lazy; I do accomplish a lot. It's just that many of my daily accomplishments come in the form of listening to a friend or babysitting a neighbor's child or reading ten chapters of a book with Jed tucked under one arm.
2. I feel as if my Heavenly Father is showing me that He is in fact the one in charge. My own grand plans for the day--or even my life!--mean zilch. A certain talk given by Hugh B. Brown called The Currant Bush keeps coming to mind and brings me some comfort. "Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down." Read it, you'll understand, and I promise you won't be disappointed.
