I'm a Mommy

I'm a Mommy

• 5.01.2010

Mom and Jed (4 days old)

I am a mother; a mother to a perfect, precious, baby boy with big fat cheeks, long dark hair, and curious eyes. It still feels so amazingly surreal. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life, but the birth of my first child was an incredible experience that defies words.

Jedediah Flint Nelson was born four days past his due date on Sunday April 25, 2010 at 8:25PM. He weighed in at 9lbs 4.4oz and 22 inches long. I couldn’t have asked for a more smooth delivery.

Jed’s story:

I awoke early Sunday morning at about 2:00AM to some cramping. I soon realized that these cramps were pretty regular. I was in labor! I laid in bed too excited to sleep, counting the minutes. Finally, after hours of anticipation and pacing the duplex, Bron and I arrived at the hospital around noon where I was declared to be 4cm and 100% effaced. After some tests, Bron filled the jetted bathtub up for me. That’s where I found my groove to ride out the contractions for a few more hours. The jets on my back helped me relax enough to count through the contractions collectively. Bron thought I made it look easy, sipping at some water through a straw like it was lemonade. And actually, I surprised myself. I was all psyched up about the pain of labor, but found it very bearable in the warm tub. At about 5:00PM I was dilated to 7cm and the anesthesiologist administered the epidural because he was already there on the floor. The midwife then broke my water. The epidural made me a little nauseous, but it felt great! I totally recommend it. I didn’t realize how exhausted I’d really become and was able to take a long nap. At about 7:45PM, the midwife said I was ready to push.

It was just an intimate little group in the room: myself, Bron, a nurse, and the midwife. I can’t imagine pushing without an epidural; just the pressure alone was unspeakably and incredibly intense! I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and pushed with all I was worth. I felt his soft head of hair and couldn’t believe the moment was almost there. Pushing a baby out is an extraordinary feeling! I saw him and heard his first cries. Bron quickly cut the cord and the baby was placed on my stomach. Wow. The moment was surreal. I was looking at my baby! My baby! My senses and emotions were in shock. It was all too overwhelming to take in at once. I looked at Bron; he had tears in his eyes. The moment was just as significant to him too.

And yes, I couldn’t deliver a big baby like that without tearing—in two places. I saw the look on the midwife’s face. She was calm, but I could tell the bleeding was worse than she was letting on. The doctor was called in right away and I was stitched up immediately—without the epidural. I squeezed Bron’s hands while he whispered what a great job I did. The entire ordeal is something Bron and I will never forget.

Now I am a mother. Bron has been so sweet and helpful, pulling a “night shift” here and there so I can get some sleep and running errands. Between caring for me and a new baby, he also has to finish his tough semester at school while working too. I have an amazing husband. People have been so kind to bring food and offer to help out where they can. I’m grateful because this whole role of “mother” is a bit overwhelming.

I am a tidal wave of emotions. I now eat and breathe for this tiny human being whom is utterly dependent upon me. We were connected as one when I was pregnant, now we’re practically connected as one on the couch. We’re on a learning curve, Jed and me. I’m not a very fast diaper changer and I’ve never nursed before, but Jed is being a good sport and we’re figuring everything out together.

The realization that my life will never be the same has hit me. I’ve thought more than once, “what have I done?” And I can’t take it back. The responsibility for this little life is tremendous! I feel like I’ve lost something, but in reality, I’ve gained everything. Now that the two of us—Bron and I—have become three, I feel like I’ve forever lost that one-on-one relationship with my husband. It will never be just the two of us again. But the good news is, it will always be just the two of us; my relationship with my husband can go on forever. We can still go on dates and cuddle on the couch and he is still my best friend. We just also have a new relationship to establish with our son. The dust will settle in a few weeks and we will all adjust to being a family. I was scared to death to get married because I thought I’d lose something. But I didn’t. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I have a feeling that becoming a family is going to be much the same.

I love my newborn boy. I love holding him on my chest and hearing his tiny kitten purrs as he sleeps. I love it when he grips my finger as he eats. I love his snorting sounds as he tries to latch on. I love looking at his wide eyes and kissing his tiny toes. I love his nose, his big fat cheeks, and turkey neck. I’ve lost some sleep over this tiny baby, but I can’t resent him. He is just too cute and way too precious. Time will fly much too fast. I want to enjoy every moment with this new baby, my baby, because it will only happen once.

I think I can say I am truly happy to be a mother. Exhausted, but blissfully happy.

Jed's First Evening Home