2.08.2010

Baby Anxiety


Please don't misunderstand me, I'm excited to be joining the club of motherhood!  In fact, I have so much baby on the brain that I often forget little things here and there.  I rub my tummy and think of my little baby-to-be more than 20 times a day.  I use my pregnancy as an excuse for everything from wanting a piece of chocolate to why I need new curtains.  Bron just laughs and so do I.  I can't wait to experience all the cuteness and laughter that this new personality will bring into our family!

But with all the excitement also comes anxiety.  I'm scared to death about the pain of labor.  And I'm not quite sure what to expect from the first few months of motherhood.  How does nursing work?  How will I juggle nurturing a baby on top of my wifely responsibilities and possibly a part time job?  What about getting back into those size 4 jeans I loved so much?  How am I going to handle all that laundry and bottle cleaning, etc.?  What about our budget?  Are we grossly underestimating how much this little bean is going to cost?  Most disconcertingly, will I ever get my blessed 8 hours of sleep ever again?

I love my sleep.  It sounds very selfish.  However, I become a grouch who is incapable of living with anybody without an adequate amount of sleep.  I know to expect little sleep during the first few months, and the rule of thumb is to sleep whenever the baby sleeps.  I think I can live with that.  But then, a few months later he'll teeth and be cranky, then later get sick and throw up all night, then get scared of some monster, and finally just be downright obnoxious about going to bed.  Whew. I have a lot to look forward to.  I hope those sleepness nights are more of the exception than the rule. 

It's sinking in that this mothering thing is going to be a full time 24/7 job and it's going to last a long time.  It's going to be a lot of work and I really don't have a clue.  Raising a child is a BIG responsibility.  Bron and I will need to teach him so many things.  But how?  We talk about our future family and what we'd like, but really, we'll be flying by the seat of our pants. 

I know that starting a family will throw our marriage for a loop until the dust settles and we adjust.  I'm afraid that raising children will cause some major disagreements in our marriage.  You see, more than anything, I want my best friend to be my best friend every waking moment now, AND in 30 years.  Can we really do it?

Bron has been really helpful and comforting though.  (But he's scared to death too!)  Bron knows my fears.  He also says that if I weren't getting "cold feet" right now I probably wouldn't be taking motherhood very seriously. 

I guess I'll just have to go forward with faith and trust that I will love my children unconditionally.  I know they will be my greatest challenge and my greatest joy. 

I just hope I enjoy the ride.

10 comments:

  1. Brooke's little girl, Ella, has slept through the night ince she was 3 weeks old. Let's hope baby boy does the same. Don't worry you'll be an amazing mommy!

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  2. Jessie- I totally understand how you are feeling, but I promise you, YOU ARE GOING TO BE AN AMAZING MOMMY! Most of it comes naturally. The parts you aren't so sure about, you can look to friends (or family) for answers. Things obviously vary from child to child, but Kenzie has been sleeping through the night completely, from 6 months on. And only got up about 1 time a night from about 3 months on. It's not too bad. You will enjoy almost everything about being a mom. The smiles, the giggles, the hugs, the "talking", etc. Babies are lots of fun. Even when they are moody- they are worth it. I'm excited that get to experience all the many joys of motherhood! And even more excited that you will hopefully keep us updated ALL about it on your adorably fun blog! If you ever need advice on anything- I'd be happy to give my opinion!(do with it what you will of course)Good luck with everything!

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  3. If you didn't worry you wouldn't be normal! I had some pretty major anxiety issues about labor when I was pregnant with Luke. Someone said to me, and I completely agree with them, when the time gets close you'll be ready to do absolutely anything it takes to get that baby out of you! About sleeping, eventually you'll get enough sleep (Grady just started sleeping through the night now at 7 months), but your schedule will never be your own again! I also recieved some great advice about nursing when Iwas pregnant with Luke: NURSING DOES NOT COME NATURALLY!!! It's very akward and painful at first, but totally worth it! I could go on and on. Feel free to call me with any concerns. I don't care if it's 3 am!

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  4. all of your fears and anxiety are the EXACT reason why i'm not pregnant yet.

    but what i've heard from EVERY SINGLE parent i know, is that it's all worth it. (which i'm sure you've heard as well...) but it helps to know that having that child, that combination of you and your best friend, and the joy it brings, is somehow able to overpower everything else and make the fear, and bazillion diapers, and lack of previously enjoyed freedom, all worth it somehow. and i just keep that in the back of my mind as we plan and talk about starting a family. :)

    do you know kami field (now larsen) from eagle? she was in my ward in meridian... anyway, she has a birthing blog, birthwithconfidence.blogspot.com, where she discusses her views on child birth. she had an epideral in the hospital with her first baby, and had her second baby at home naturally. quite the switch. i don't agree with everything, but i like some of her views, especially how she explains how it can be a spiritual experience if you can overcome the pain and fear, so i thought i'd share it with you. :)

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  5. Anyways, I was thinking more about what you were saying. I know you are really concerned about how having a baby will effect your realationship with Bron. I think most people don't even give that much thought before they have a baby (myself included), so you and Bron will be at least 10 steps ahead of other couples! Also, just give yourself a lot of time (like 6 months or so) before you worry about looking, acting, thinking, or feeling like your old self again. Those hormones can really throw people off for quite a while! I used to worry about how I was going to teach Luke everything, like knowing the names of all the animals at the zoo. I was amazed at how much Luke just picked up on everything by himself mostly. They just come to you primed to learn and pick up everything (good and bad) really quick! Anyways, I don't know why I'm giving you all this advice! I am no expert! I guess I just remember very clearly being in your position. You and Bron are going to be the greatest parents!

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  6. Just one more thing I promise! Ask you husband for a blessing before you go to the hospital, and when you come home from the hospital too.

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  7. Don't sweat what you can't control yet is my only advice, not that you're asking for any. The one thing I've learned from mommyhood is that it comes a day at a time. Obviously if there was one sure way to solve all baby problems mom's hopefully would have figured it out by now, but as far as I know raising kids is significantly different for everyone. You'll plug through it like the rest of us and you'll rise to the occasion as well.
    Hey, if I can do it you can! (take that as you will) :)

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  8. Aww Jess. You'll be an awesome mommy! It'll be a hard adjustment, but you're aware of the joys and hardships that can happen, which will really help you. I wish I could give you advice like you always give me, but I know you have tons of friends and family (and heavenly father) that will help you with all your worries and questions.
    And don't worry about you and Bron. Be glad that you're both worrying about it! If you want to have the relationship you have now, you will. You'll agree and disagree, but that's what makes your relationship stronger.

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  9. guess what happens when you have a baby? you love it more than anything else. but guess what else happens? you love your husband more than you ever did before. and that's what keeps you going. and it just builds. so just make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps and you take the time to smile at bron and ask him how he's doing and you'll be fine. it's just a day at a time. humans are fantastic survivors. you'd have to really pull a number to screw up indefinitely. you'll do great!

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  10. You'll be great parents and you have lots of friends and family to help you and give advice when needed and/or wanted!

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